It's been a long time coming but here we are...

As I am writing this to you there is concentrated electricity plummeting from the heavens into the sleeping city where I live. I can hear it cracking and smashing into the earth as rain pours down on the roofs of all those sleeping in this land of gracious living. All the while I am very much awake,yet still in many ways asleep myself. Well so it's been over 2 months since I have posted anything new on this blog. I can't really tell you why either. I have had plenty to write about and there is really no way that I can do a recap of what's been going on with at this juncture. I have had incredible highs and dismal lows. I have had friends die, I have had people close to me welcome new life into the world. I have built new relationships that I value and I have watched the strain of time put distance between myself and some of my closest friends. I have seen many faces smile back at me and many faces display looks that cause me to wonder. The truth is I have had plenty to write about, many experiences that at a certain season of my life I would have been too eager to have shared them all with anyone willing to waste the time to read about them. I just for whatever reason never once over the past couple months felt compelled enough to write about any of them.


I find myself in a season of myself that feels new yet familiar. I have come to a sort of crossroads where I can feel great change on the horizon,and I am not sure what it is or where it will take me and I just don't know how to feel about it really. I want to take an attitude of adventure and a lust for what the future will hold. But it's hard when you feel unprepared. I know that I am in many ways ready for whatever the next step is, and I would love to tell you that fear is something I seldom experience in reference to new endeavors. But the truth is, I am just as scared as anyone and everyone else is about everything around them. Whether we are able to admit or not. I think that sometimes I don't even realize just how scared I really am. Nor do I realize what exactly it is that I am scared of. But there is no doubt that I am honest enough with myself today to know that I am scared. Scared to death sometimes. I am scared that I don't know who or what I really am. What I am good at. Recently I was approached by a reader of this blog while I was out with a friend. Now I didn't know this individual personally, but he was a friend of a friend and said that he really enjoyed my writing. His words were "You are in your element when you are writing". Which is an incredible compliment,to someone who wants nothing more than to be a writer. I think when I started this I did it for the right reasons. I mean without this blog I could have lost my mind. It literally saved my sanity to a degree. But I think that at some point I thought of myself as more of a singer who was pretending to be a writer. Or an actor who was pretending to be a writer. But if I am in my element when I am writing, I am afraid that in many capacities I am a writer that has been pretending to be...I don' know a human?


I love writing I really do. But if I spent the past couple months surrounded by inspiration but lacked the drive to actually sit down and spend the time needed to write based on that inspiration, then am I really even a writer? What if I am nothing? What if I am just a big nothing? I mean, I know a few people read this, but that doesn't really mean that I am a writer in any sense of the word. I don't really even know if anyone actually reads this to be honest. Well I do know that people read it, but it's been a few months and the way that the human attention span works I can honestly say that I have very little faith that anyone will care enough to read this. Except for my Mom and/or Grandparents of course. Hi guys. Love you. One thing I am really afraid of is that I will spend the rest of my life just barely happy being good at a handful of things, but great at nothing. That I don't have just one defining talent that stands out from the rest. Nothing that will set me apart in the eyes of others. Which I know isn't everything, but it's nice. For some it's really important too. As all my gifts and talents go unused due to my lack of action in pursuing the proper channels required to really optimize their use, I am really quite afraid that I will not ever do anything with any of them. Simply because I never felt like I was great at any of them.


I have seen a lot of couples everywhere I go lately too. People getting married. People right in the midst of that great part of new love where you enjoy that person your with so much and their company solves everything and blinds you to the bigger problems of the world and even your immediate surroundings. People in love. New boyfriends. New girlfriends. Yet here I am alone,by choice. I know it's not because I can't find a girlfriend or someone to be with.But because I am scared of what a relationship might mean for me at this point in my journey. A big part of me is afraid that I will always misjudge the person I am with and compare them to the one great love I have had. I am afraid that, even though it ended horribly and took a long time to get over, I will never find someone that I feel for the way that I felt for her. I have met girls that I really like. And girls that I place in my life simply as a diversion from what may be the real problem. So far I have not met one that I have felt that connection with. I understand that sometimes that connection develops over time and we don't really have to much control over what kind of a time line life puts us on for it to happen. I could right now be spending time with the person I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with and not even know it. But I am also deathly afraid that I will never find that person. Or that I already have and through my flaws and inability to recognize what's good for me I have already pushed them away for good. With every night that I come home alone without that feeling I once shared with someone else who was my world, and with each night that in place of that feeling is the dull aching pain of loneliness and the longing for companionship,the fear of a lifetime alone only knowing heartache after heartache grows. It does not grow silently anymore either.



I am afraid of getting older. I am still young by standards of many. But I am not getting any younger. I will be 25 this summer. My littlest brother is 20! It also seems as though the weeks and months are flying by faster than they ever have before.I am afraid of getting older for many reasons. One reason would be obvious if you have ever seen my Grandfather's hairline! I mean, God bless him he makes it look as good as he can. But I am so deathly afraid that I will inherit his "Colonial Sanders" hairline once I am in my 30's and I will have the little tuft of wispy hair on the front of my head like a little horn. Coupled with the gnarly Nicholas Cage recession of hair. As if all that I once so lovingly shampooed and conditioned and styled will just retreat from my face exposing my billboard of a forehead and my sidecar ears. I shutter to think of this possibility. Another reason I am scared to grow old is because of every single generation that has come after my generation. Hell I am terrified that "my generation" has somehow snuck through some of the loop holes in natural selection and instead of bettering the world in any perceivable way they have instead participated in the trends that have corrupted many and the epidemics that have claimed many lives. My generation has helped to populate the planet with a whole slough of children whose parents were too busy and too concerned with their own drama to be a parent at all. It's not just always because of self centeredness either. A lot of parents my age are not parents at all simply because they in many ways never grew up themselves. Babies having babies and Grandparents raising everyone.


These are the people that will inherit the world if/when I get old. The future leader of this country is a punk jerk kid who is part of the "YouTube Generation" that has had everything afforded to them and will never know how to appreciate any of it. I get so nervous to think that if I get old, the President of the United States of America will have never known about VHS cassettes or parachute pants. I have always viewed the notion of dying young to be a very romantic and alluring prospect. But even that scares me because what if you just die young and you are remembered for nothing? What if you didn't do enough in the short period of time you were given to live on the memories of those who survived you?


Basically folks. I am scared of myself. I am scared of the world, and I think it's not only healthy to be scared to a certian degree, but I honeslty feel healthier already for admitting it. You can view what I am saying here whatever way you want to because I am still not even sure myself jsut how I am meaning it. I am sorry I didn't write anything for such a long time. It's not like you were actually waiting for me to post something new. Just like it's highly unlikely that anyone has actually read this entry up to this point, and if you did I would never know because nobody ever leaves a comment. Oh whatever. I am glad I wrote something. It doesn't answer any questions I had, or really makeme feel too much better. But I did write. Whatever. Goodnight

Long Weekend (few weeks back)

Now this entry has taken me weeks to write. Not because of it was difficult subject matter or really complex. But because of my inability to commit time to this art form. I have been soooooo bad about staying vigilant in this. I don't know why. I could come up with a million excuses why. I have started working full time. I have been tired. I have been depressed. But really it just comes down to I haven't felt like it even though I have had so much to write about. So I am going to be playing catch up for a bit trying to get back on track with all this. So keep in mind as you read this that it did happen a few weeks ago. A lot has happen with the people in the story since it took place.




So this was a long weekend for me. Filled with all kinds of good and bad,but mostly good. I traveled all across these lands and covered many different cities and counties in just a few short days. I made a lot of new friends, got together with some of my oldest friends, and even got a small insight into who some of my enemies might be. But I think the most interesting portion of my weekend actually bled into the beginning of my work week. Typically it's Friday or Saturday night that are the most outrageous and exciting nights for me, but that was not so much the case for this weekend. On Friday I was out in Hollywood with a lovely young lady from Iceland where we went to dinner out in Beverly Hills and then just ended up spending time in the area. I was supposed to attend a birthday as well for one of my best friends but because she kinda changed the line up of events I just stayed in the Hollywood area until late and then came home.

Saturday night was spent with my friends Nate and Elise and a few others. We at one point ended up at a high school party that are friend Jason who is our age invited us to. Now I think we just assumed that since Jason is our age that surely the people he hangs out with are going to be around our age too. This was not the case at all. We start walking up to the house and notice that everyone else walking up to the house did not only look young,but they were all going in through the back yard gate. This is a dead give away of a high school party simply because it means that whoever is hosting it does not want a lot of people inside so they can avoid anything getting messed up before their parents get home. Well we walked into the backyard and it felt as though every teenage eye in the whole place turned and looked at us. We were clearly the oldest people there. It was horrible! I felt like a chaperon or something! So we retreated shortly there after. Saturday night also held a lot of drama between me and my friend Elise and her friend Nina. But we will not get into that because it is just silly girl stuff that Elise cooked up that I had nothing to do with. I just somehow got stuck in the middle of it.


So Saturday and Friday were fun and interesting and generally a good time. The whole week has been for the most part. But it was the days Sunday and Monday and the transition between them that stand out as being quite a story(if I tell it right)and just a new experience that I don't do too often. You see Sunday started off normal. I woke up and ate, did my thing for a little bit, worked out some. I took a shower and just hung out. Sometime in the afternoon I get a call from my very best friend in the world David. He wants me to go out to Temecula with him to meet a girl from the internet who he has been talking to. She has a friend with her and also that way it just won't seem so awkward or scary for them to meet. Since I would do just about anything for my friend David I agree to come along in support and hopefully have a good time myself in the process. It could either go one of a few ways in this situation. One: David and this girl really hit it off and I am there as the perfect wingman to help input compliments about him and funny and cute stories about us growing up that make him seem even greater than he already does. Two: It is a horrible ugly train wreck and David (who does not drink often) is offered alcohol and because he is so nervous he gets drunk and either falls asleep,throws up, or makes a fool of himself. Three: the girl he is going to meet turns out to be lame and can't stand me so I go into to jerk mode and just focus on entertaining myself at whatever cost. Or Four: A combination of One Two and Three.


Now I think it's important to give you a little back story on my best friend David. I would do anything for this guy. I would fight, kill and/or die for this guy. I love him,in a totally non gay best friends type way. Ever since about 8th grade we had been best friends and have remained that way ever since. I have even known him longer than that though. We were born on the same day,in the same year, we are about the same height, same size shoes, same size waist. We like all the same stuff and always have. I mean, there are some things on me that are bigger,of course, but for the most part we are like twins that came from different mothers. We have been through a lot together and he has seen me at my best and at my worst and has stuck with me and believed in me through pretty much all of it. David is simple yet complex if that makes sense. He has a very strong personality, strong views, and he is just very strong. He has his life on a very precise routine that he seldom strays from. His routine makes him feel safe and productive but it also makes him lonely because it does not leave a lot of room for companionship with a woman. Aside from that David is one of the pickiest guys I have ever known when it comes to chicks. He is really good looking and he works out and is in incredible shape,so a lot of girls out there really dig him, until they talk to him and he makes them feel stupid. He has had one long term relationship to a girl named Krystle who is still to this day one of my best friends. But for David, he was just never able to find another girl that measured up to what Krystle was to him.



But he didn't stop trying. It seemed as though no girl was good enough. People I have seen David with girls that could easily be supermodels,and that are fun and smart. I mean real life perfect 10's and yet somehow he will find something wrong with them. This has been going on ever since he and Krystle broke up, and David was getting lonely. He did not know how to meet chicks without breaking his routine of working out,going to work, skateboarding, metal music etc and so on. So a friend of his suggested he do one of those on-line dating websites. So he did and met a girl who seemed to be everything that he was looking for. She is pretty,easy to talk to, nice, funny, and David liked her. So they had been talking for a little bit and then decided it would be good for them to meet. That is where our story left off right?


So David comes to pick me up and we start heading out east. Deep into the sticks of Riverside county and whatever other counties are out there. It turned out that we weren't actually going to Temecula but we were going to Lake Elisinore,which I am not sure if it is farther away or if it is closer than Temecula or what. I don't ever go out that way unless it's for a good reason,and there are few reasons good enough to go to Lake Elsinore. David talks the entire drive there about how nervous he is to meet her(her name is Kim actually by the way)and how she hopes that she is as cool as she is on the phone. How he has been waiting for so long to meet a girl who is as cool as this girl seems and how he is really trying no tot get his hopes up but he knows that he is. Then me,being the good friend that I am, start laying some facts down and start putting some thoughts in his head to mess with him. The conversation sounded a little like this:

Me:Well dude what if we get out there and she is just like totally huge? What if the pictures she showed you were her but like two years ago and since they were taken she has just been eating non stop? What are you going to do then?
David:Naw man! She also sent me pictures on my cellphone too and she is not fat man.
Me: Well let me just ask you this. What was the picture of? Was it of her face just smiling? Is is pretty much a neck up shot? Because that is what fat chicks that are still way pretty in the face do to deceive guys they meet on the internet.
David:Nuh-uh! I know she isn't fat man! She doesn't sound fat on the phone. Anyway she can't be that bad.
Me:What does fat sound like? She could be 600lbs and you would never know until we get there and just smell the stench of rotten bed sores and old chicken grease dried in the folds of skin on her neck. I ma telling you man she is f*cking huge! Just watch.
David:Dude don't jinx it man! I really like this girl so far man c'mon.
Me:Alright I am sorry I am just giving you a hard time trying to make you more nervous. Your right,she probably isn't morbidly obese. But I am willing to wager that she either has a gnarly mole on her face that shines in sunlight or like a wicked birthmark on her neck that's the shape of Australia or something.
David:Maaaaaaaaannn...

I know I am a good friend right? So we finally get out to the house where we are meeting them. The girl Kim that David has been talking to lives in Corona apparently but was visiting her friend Candice who lives out in Lake Elsinore. Now David is nervous. It's fast approaching the moment of truth where he is going to come face to face with this girl who he really likes from their conversations and yet has never seen. I am pretty nervous too to be honest. I am just hoping that I am not right about her being a fat ass or having a mole or birthmark on her face. I would feel horrible if it were true, not only that but I would probably have a really hard time not staring at it. So they get there and it is a great relief. She is adorable! She has tattooes,she is a little shorter than David, long black hair. But most importantly she is not a disgusting sack of lard and she doesn't have any gnarly dis-figurations anywhere that we can see. David is relieved, I am relieved, it should all be fine. Her friend Candice whose house it was was also very pretty, so hey. This might not be so bad right?


Well we all go inside and start talking and getting to know each other and what not. The girls are very nice and they offer David and I some drinks,and I decline explaining that I don't drink. David takes a drink. Now my friend David does not drink often and he certainly does not drink a lot of hard alcohol. He is a Native American and when he drinks he gets very red. He also starts talking a lot and the things he says are often very stupid. I see him drinking for the sake of looking cool to be a very bad choice. But he does and so the girls. They are all drinking a lot while I watch TV and relax. They are all outside on the porch talking and I am inside watching TV where I can hear them. I can start hearing David saying the stupid things I feared he would. Such as how most girls think that he is too good to be true and how these girls can lose weight in a really healthy way and how David can tell them how to. He begins to explain about how the body and diet break down and how he has mastered fitness and his own health. How he is sooooo strong and healthy and that's why it's hard for him to find a girl because he is so healthy and most girls don't take care of themselves as much as he does and it's hard for him to respect them. I cringe. But to my dismay this girl seems to be taking in what he is saying quite easily. Maybe she is just that drunk(she drank very heavily) or she actually really liked him.


David really seemed to like her too. I hadn't seen him this way around a girl in a long long time and it was kinda weird,but cool. We all hung out there for hours and hours until it was around 10:30pm and everyone decided that it was time to go out and do something fun. Now I was unaware that there was fun things to do in Lake Elsinore,but apparently there was plenty to do. David and I had drove around what seemed to be a dump hole little town for a bit before meeting the girls and it really did not seem like any kind of hot spot for entertainment. But it was already late and my original impression that we were not going to stay there all night had been shattered hours ago so I was game. As long as we were back at some point so I could get enough sleep to get up and go to court the next morning I would be fine. You see, I wasn't going to court for me but for a good friend of mine that I formed a bond with during my last month of jail at IRC. I had promised him(who we will call Jim in this story)that I would come and see him when he went to court next, even though I would not be able to go up and talk to him or anything while he is sitting in the court cage in orange,it would still be nice to see him and give him a thumbs up. That and there are few things that will keep me from keeping my word to people now. At one point it was not as important to me but I have come to realize just how crucial it is. Jim is fighting a murder case out of Orange County. His wife of 32 years was terminally ill and did not want to live any longer. He loved her enough to kill her. Which is controversial and still ultimately illegal,but in my eyes it is an incredible act of love and I will be there to support Jim in any way I can. So although I had been wanting to go home, I knew that David was having a good time, and that I would be fine as long as I was able to make it to court in the morning. So anyway, we had the idea to go bowling,but the bowling alley was closed bt that time. So we had the idea to go to a nearby Indian Gaming Casino. Which sounded fun.


We ended up driving about 20 minutes away to the Pachanga Resort and Casino in what city I am not sure. I had been to other Indian Casinos before but never this one. It was actually rather cool. It had big fountains and neat architecture. And you could smoke cigarettes inside too. We go inside and head to the bar area becuase everyone but me had already been drinking and I guess just couldn't wait to drink more. I played the video poker screen that they had built into the bar. Now anyone reading this who has ever gone out or really spent any time with me knows that I get bored sometimes,and when I do I entertain myself in various creative ways. You know what I am talking about. I talk to people in accents, I walk way to closely behind and beside people. I will purposely fall down into or on stuff and make it all crash over and etc. and so on. Pretty much a big part of me views the world as a stage and I am just a performer. So that's how I do son! We start walking around the casino, I don't have a lot of money on me so I am not really down to gamble. But there are a few things that I am always down for,the first being making people laugh,the second would be singing,and the third would be dancing. If I can make people laugh at the same time as either one of the other described activities than it is even that much better to me. So I decide that we are going to find a place where dancing is going on and I am going to get an entire crowd of strangers to watch me. So we walk through this casino,and it's huge!!! Like it's really big. We have no clue where we are going. And all the slot machines are making the same flashing lights and ringing noises and what not. I finally ask someone who works there if he knew where we might be able to dance and hang out. He points us in the direction and even walks us to the front of the place. While walking with the gentlemen whose nae I forget now,I learned that the casino was not only big, but that it is bigger than any Las Vegas casino,220,000 square feet to be exact. So we finally make it to a club they have in there with a big dance floor called "Cabaret" which is occupied by a bunch of older folks dancing together to whatever top 40 remixes they have on loop there. So I go to work.


Now again,for those of you that have been out with me before know that I am "a dancer" of sorts. I have been told many things about the way I dance. That I am good. That I am if nothing else entertaining. But I just like to think of myself as a guy who enjoys dancing and making a fool out of himself on occasion. Most of the the time to a fault,like many things in my life. So I go to work. I am dancing,hard,fast and stupid. The older crowd that were there were not ready for me and it showed on every one of their faces. The girls we were with did not know it would get to that level either I think. But I didn't care, I was in "Jordan Idiot Dance Mode" and it wasn't slowing down. I was bored and this was going to change that if even for only a bit. So I danced until the floor was cleared and everyone was just watching me do my thing. This is what I wanted! Yes! But where to go from here? The club was closing and they played the last song. So we made our way through the massive Casino back to the opening where we came in at and to our ride. We made our way back to Candice's home and since David was still feeling the effects of the alcohol and he didn't want me to try and drive his stick shift with the tricky clutch,we decided to stay there.


I set myself up on the sofa in the living room and David slept in one of the kids' bedrooms. As I was drifting off to sleep I began to think of the craziness of this situation. Here these girls not only let two complete strangers in to their home with no prior knowledge about us except for what had been discussed on the Internet,spent the entire night with us,and were now letting us sleep in the same house as them the same day they met us? Were they crazy? Had they done this sort of thing before? What if we had been crazy psycho killers? What if we had taken them hostage and burned them with cigarettes and cut all their hair off and did voodoo rituals in their backyards with the kids' toys? I mean of course we didn't do any of that stuff. But who meets people on the Internet and feels like they trust these people enough after a few hours to let them into their home and sleep there? I guess I should feel honored by the fact that I am the kinda guy who people feel like they can trust right off the bat. And Candice actually told me a few days later that she was a bit leery about it,but after a bit she felt like she had known us for years. Which made me feel good. But what if I had been some convicted felon/drug offender who had just gotten out of jail a little while back,with no car and a crumby job who has nothing to lose? Wait...don't answer that.


So the next morning we woke up at about 6:00am and started heading back in to Orange County. We were going to drop Kim off in Corona on the way,so that meant there was three people smushed into a little Ford Ranger cab. We drop her off,make it back to our homes,and with a little time to spare before David had to be at work. It was shaping up to be another interesting day because I was working on just a few hours of sleep and I still had to go to court in Fullerton,make it back to my house,then go to work for a few hours,and then go out that night again. No nap. No problem. You see getting to court was going to be easy. My mother was actually already summoned to go in to the court to be interviewed for jury duty,and said that I could catch a ride with her. Except that she had already left when I got dropped off that morning. So I would have to take the bus. So I put on a nice black and gray suit so that I look good in court and I have my Dad drop me off at the bus stop on the corner of Richfield and Orangethorpe right by where I live. I could take the Orangethorpe bus down to Chapman,then take the Chapman bus down to Berkley and walk around the college to the court. Bada Bing Bada Boom! I get to the bus stop with about fifteen minutes to spare so I walk across the street to the Circle K to buy some protein bars and change for the bus fair and what not. While I was in there I see a very close family friend who we will call "Chris" in this story. My parents and he and his wife have been very close friends for a number of years and two of brothers have been employees of his in the past and I myself have even applied to work at his company before. I say hi in passing and then make my way back across the street to the bus stop. Chris,whose office is in that general direction,stops and offers me a ride farther down to the Chapman bus just to make it a little easier on me. I graciously accept and get into his SUV. I love Chris and his family and it is very good to be able to catch up with him a little bit. I hadn't really gotten a chance to see him too much since I had been back from jail and the last time I had really had a chance to talk to him was when he and another family friend came to visit me while I was in jail. So it was a very pleasant drive. Not only that but he gave me a ride all the way to the court instead of just simply to the bus stop I needed farther down the rode. So I got to have a great conversation with a man I love and respect and am thankful that God placed in my life,and I saved a couple bucks in bus money too! Thanks man!


So once at court I walk up to the front door and take everything out of my pockets,my belt and my sunglasses too,and make my way through the metal detectors. Unfortunately I am very much familiar with this process having spent so much time in court in my past. I make it onto the other side and put myself back together I make my way upstairs to the courtroom that Jim would be appearing in. I take a seat inside and wait. Now like I have said, I have spent a lot of time in court,and I have been on both sides of it. I have fought cases that have ended in jail time. I have taken cases to trial and beat them, and I have even worn a orange jumpsuit inside of the little prisoner box you see in courtrooms. So I have pretty much done it all. One thing I can say is that there is no worse feeling than being that guy in the cage. Because you already know that you have that going against you and even if it was something simple, you will always feel like you are getting unfair treatment simply because of the fact that you are a prisoner. A lot of times the courts sends you on what is known as a "dry run" which means you go to court from the facility to the court,sit downstairs in the holding area with a bunch of dirty criminals pacing around worrying, and you either don't even get to see a judge,or your case is held over to a later date. It happens a lot. It isn't such a horrible thing when you you don't have to go back to jail at the end of the day. But when you are in custody,it really sucks.


So once Jim is ushered into the little area where prisoners sit we make eye contact and he seems really excited to see me there. I can't really walk up to the cage and talk to him or anything,because it is totally illegal to do so. So I just smile and mouth the words"How are you doing?" to which he shrugs his shoulders and looks around himself as if to say "Well I could be better". He calls his Public Defender over to him and talks to her for a minute and then she comes over to me and asks me"Your Jordan right? Your here for Jim?" I say yes and she tells me that he said it's really good to see me and that he thanks me for the books I left him and the letters and that it means a lot that I would come to see him. Itell her that it is no big deal and that I said I would and so I am here. I asked her to tell him that I have more letters for him and that I will be sending them out soon,and that I can't stick around too much longer but I will wait a little longer. She tells him and Jim shoots me a smile and a thumbs up. I wait a little longer and then the judge resets a date for his arraignment so that he has to come back in May, dry run. I wave and make my way out of the courtroom and start walking back down to Chapman so I can catch the bus home and eat soemthing and shower before I have to go to work.



I walk around down Berkley Street by the college and make my way to the bus stop where I waited for the bus to come. As I was sitting there my litttle brothers friend Jesse came walking up through the crowd of kids coming and going from class. Really? I stop and talk to him and he offers me a ride back to my place of living. So that makes two times that day that I would have had to take a bus that God instead provided me with a ride. So I accept and make it home an hour or so before I would have had I taken the bus. I have more than enough time to work out some, eat and take a shower before I walk over to work for a few hours. Once I get home from work though I am so very very tired. I take a nice long nap that afternoon. When I wake up I am sure I went out with frineds or something, unfortunately it has been weeks since I first started this entry and I can't fully remember what it is I did that evening. But I am almost certain it was fun. But this is two days that seemed almost non-stop as far as activity. Seamless and long as hell. But ultimately satisfying to complete. That's it. The end.

The Protocol To Aging

I have noticed that people around me,in my life,and even me myself are aging. With the years come the symbols of experience gained and life lived. Less hair in certain places. More hair in others. Different colored hair growing in amongst your original color. Wrinkles that mark how much you have been blessed to smile and how much pain you have had to frown over. Reflexes not as quick. Vision not as keen as it once was. There seems to be a certain protocol to aging that everyone must follow. Some do it better than others and some do it way before they probably should. Some make it look good and actually begin to look better with the time that has passed and others just look old and tired. Some do what they can to reverse or slow down the signs of time with creams and lotions and cosmetic surgery and others just roll with it. No matter how you do it one thing is for sure,it's something everyone seems to be doing nowadays and for most it happens in a "pattern" of sorts.


Crows feet underneath the eyes. "Male Pattern Baldness" and graying. Skin sagging like gravity is taking out some sort of vendetta on them for all the years that it has just kept you on the earth without asking for anything in return. It just makes me wonder why it always has to happen in such a clear cut way? Why are the guidelines of aging so set in stone? I wish that we had some kind of a say in the manner in which we displayed our aging. I myself, at age 24 can clearly see the few short but intense years I have lived on this earth every time I look in the mirror. And granted I have had quite a life up to this point and am probably in pretty good shape considering. I know that heavy drug and alcohol use is not usually suggested as a way to stay looking young and vibrant. But at my age I already have gray hair in my beard and head. I have horrible vision. I have clearly forming wrinkles around my eyes,and I ache sometimes when I move. How did this happen? Now I am in no way trying to complain or sound un-grateful because I know that I could be a lot worse off. I am now clean a little over six months and in very good shape from working out as much as I do. But it just seems like I should have thought ahead a little more right?


I just thank God Almighty that I am not going bald! I have a good friend who will remain nameless who is about my same age who I have known for a number of years who is going bald. His father has been "George Costanza Bald" for as long as I have known him and my friend is going down that same road of "Male Pattern Baldness" and although he is still a very good-looking guy it just seems so crumby that no matter what he does, or what he has done, he will have to follow "a pattern" for his aging. He has had a different life and different experiences from that of many other bald men and yet in a few years he will just be lumped into the same category or demographic as that percentage of the male race that goes bald. Why don't we get to choose how this happens? I mean let's say that he is just destined to go bald,no matter what. His Grandfather went bald,his Father went bald,he is just going to go bald. Why does he have to do the whole "Male Pattern" thing on the top of his head and nowhere else just leaving a
'coulda sac" of hair? Why can't we all just go bald on one side of our heads? Or like, we can't grow sideburns anymore? Or if we go bald it's just in a star or peace sign design on the back of our heads? Everyone is unique right? Why does everyone have to bald the same? And why do some people go just clean bald down the middle and others get that little "Colonial Sander's Tuft" thing right up in the front? I know it looks cheesy but there are a lot of straight up bald guys that would kill to look like the Colonial.

How come instead of the middle of head it can't just be the sides only? So you know that someone has gone bald if they have a mohawk? Oh how much better it would be if had some sort of say in the affects we display as we age. Like gray hair. I have a beard right now. I grew one the last month I was in jail but could not really tell that there was gray in it then because of the poor quality of mirrors available there. But when I got out I could see the little silver slivers in and amongst the rest. I have since shaved that beard grown in jail in an attempt to get rid of things I had when I was in jail. I then grew what is on my face now, "Th Freedom Beard". I have always had dark blond hair,and my Dad had brownish red hair and a red beard with a lot more gray in it now. So my beard grows in like a rainbow coalition of facial hair. I have patches of red, patches of blond, and then little flecks of gray here and there. I don't know why but right at the corners of my mouth is where it is easiest to see the gray. It just kinda looks like I have eaten frosting and didn't get all of it out. Now why does that too have to happen the way it does? Why not instead of random patches of gray hair it can just come in like on each side of my face in the shape of my initials? Or like an anchor or lightning bolt? How cool would that be? If on either side of my face was red and blond hair,with frickin' gray lightning bolts doing there thing on my cheeks! Why can't that be a reality? And why does it always have to be gray hair? Why can't it be pink? Or purple or dark blue? I mean at least black hair right? How cool would it be if we could just decide what color hair we would start growing once we started aging?


I only bring this whole subject up because I feel like I am getting older sometimes and then when I look in the mirror it doesn't help. I know some of the older readers would tell me I am being silly, and you would probably be right, it is silly. I am almost 25, I am tall and reasonably healthy, I am not married, single, and have my whole life ahead of me. But I have a whole lot of life behind me too which when reflected upon can really make me feel older then I am. I have done more stuff in twenty four some odd years than some people do in twice that time. I have experienced things and put myself through things that drastically speed up the aging process. Now no matter what I do there is no reversing some of that. Although I wish I hadn't have done a lot of that stuff, it is what has led up to me being the person I am today. The things I have learned and gone through,the moments of great happiness and long months of pain are all together in sort of book that it my life and the more this journal is written in the more worn out the cover gets. I guess the point I was trying to get across by writing this is that no matter how young I should feel, I have earned every gray hair, every small forming wrinkle, every ache and every squint. And I am thankful that God has given me all of these things instead of deciding to take them away for the way I abused the gift of life I was given. The truth is I have a lot to be thankful for, and I don't feel old all the time. I have my days where I look better than other days, and on those days I don't feel so old. And on those days I am even more grateful for all that my good and gracious God has seen fit to bless me with. And you know what? It's all good. Some chicks really dig gray hair. I just thank God I am not bald!

Part 1: "The Introduction" a short story by Jordan Rockwell

When she finally got to the mirror to see her reflection,what she had feared was true was an all too painful reality that could no longer be denied. She was old. And not just old,but her outwardly appearance to the world was the embodiment of years of disappointment that were surely not going to end well. But what could she do now? Also, how was there such good lighting in this bathroom? How is every grey hair and wrinkle magnified by the sun pouring in like a police spotlight. She quickly moved to the darker corner of her bathroom.

Sydelle had not always been this way of course. Like everyone her age she was once young and vibrant and full of life and anxious for every new day. She was beautiful in fact. With a pale white complexion and light blond hair to make her look like a girl that The Beach Boys would sing about she was very popular growing up. Sydelle was never alone and never had a problem with not being invited out somewhere on the weekend. She was happy back then. Or she thought she was. It had now been so long since she had felt the way that she did back when the world just seemed to shine through and around her,that it really only seemed as though it was an abstract notion now. Something she once believed in. She whispers to herself in such a low tone that only her and God can hear it. The words that she says to herself at least a few times a day,when no one is around, when she is tired, and even when she is surrounded by people.
"What happened to me?"

Now Sydelle had a "good life" according to the standards that she was raised in. Why shouldn't she be perfectly happy with herself? She had a very lucrative career as an insurance controller for a major hospital in California. She drove a luxury vehicle. She had a house that looked like almost every other house in her suburban neighborhood. She had a husband with an equally lucrative career who had never hit her, and who had never given her any hard evidence that she could use to prove that he was cheating on her. She had two children in High school that were healthy and well,her kids. On the surface everything was great! She had her own little piece of the stereotype. The American Dream right? So what if everyone at her job had ignored her for years and only came to her when they needed to. She had a job right? So what if her house was a cold robotic shell of what a home should be. With decorations brought in by an interior designer who had been getting paid for years to convince Sydelle that she actually really liked the decorum surrounding her. That she felt comfortable in a house like all the other houses where all the other wives and mothers had been convinced by their interior designer of the same thing. She should be grateful! How many people out there didn't even have a home to go to at the end of the day.


So her husband of twenty one years had been present for maybe thirteen of them. He had to work right? He had to go out of town all the time for business, and when he got back he was just too tired from the road to make her feel the way he used to. Back when they were in love. Back when she was beautiful. He couldn't bother to care about her now he was just too busy.At least she could honestly say that he was a decent father when he was home and had never hit her. No matter how many times they had argued about silly things. The cable, a new car, the next vacation, Sydelle's drinking, him being gone all the time. No matter what she had said to him. No matter what she had called or accused him of. No matter how much she just sometimes wished he would hit her. Hit her hard so she could actually feel something other than what she felt every day, but he never had. He had never been caught cheating either. Although she knew. But a husband who doesn't get caught is almost as good as a husband who doesn't cheat at all right? What did she care anyway? Their marriage was for looks now. As long as it looked stable enough in the right company than she could at least do what she could to be grateful that they didn't appear as dysfunctional as they really were.


And her children were healthy. That was the important thing. That and that they receive everything that they need for their education and schooling and to be happy. That was her job. The common mis conception Sydelle thought, was that a mother was supposed to nurture and protect and teach her children the things they needed to learn to be able to be successful in the world once they left her. This was not true, and it was not the approach that Sydelle would ever take. The father and mother made the money for the family. You bought things for your children. Clothes, entertainment, toys, video games. You paid for little league and karate and dance classes. You paid for braces and haircuts and more clothes and more shoes and school books and new video games. Then guitar lessons and cheer leading and whatever else they wanted. Their were teachers in the private schools you paid for that were going to show them the things they needed to know to be successful. All you had to do was make sure that they were fed and clothed and had everything they wanted and that they were healthy. This wasn't the fifties anymore where parents took an active interest in what kind of people their children were. That was the world's problem. Sydelle's children were healthy and that was what mattered. So they didn't respect her,or listen to her, or really even seem to like her. Of course everyone said 'I love you' to each other but that is what families do. She couldn't say for sure that she knew that they meant it when they said it. Or that she did either.


But what did it matter? Sydelle was not sure if she had ever felt real love in her life. She got married because it was what she was supposed to do. She had kids, a boy and girl, just like all girls growing up are supposed to dream about having after they get married. She did not do these things for love but more out of a sense of duty. Also because she had never felt a pull in her heart to do anything else but follow the guide lines for life that she was just always told she was supposed to follow. "What happened to me? How did I get to this place?" she whispers to herself. She made her way into the kitchen,her head rang with the familiar morning pain of a hangover. Sydelle did not drink every night,but almost. And when she drank,she really drank. Sydelle went to start some coffee. She was alone in her big house,identical to all the other big houses for a mile radius. Her children were at different friends' houses where the parents cared just as much about them as people who don't really care can. Her husband was God knows where on business,alone, not alone, Sydelle barely even thought about it anymore. She was alone. But not just alone, she was hollow. And she did not know how or why she had gotten to this place,or how she could ever escape. What had she done to deserve this? What had she done to deserve all of these great things that surrounded her in a life where she had too much pain to want to live but too much responsibility to want to die?


All she had done was what she was always told she was supposed to do. What was supposed to work. What had worked for everyone else to whatever degree. And yet it hadn't worked for her. Sydelle was alone. She was no longer beautiful,but you could tell that she was at one point. Now her face betrayed her. Her look was now a monument to the once great beauty she had been,that has now faded. And the spirit that she can barely remember existing at all. She had not felt alive since God knows when. She was starting to suspect that she never would again. Her coffee was done. She makes herself a cup. There was a lot of things she didn't have to do that day,but that she would do. So that she would not have to think. Think about all that there wasn't there to think about. She really hoped that staying busy would work this time.

Richard Swift rules the night.

So I have gotten some really interesting feed back about my last entry about my last blog entry. You know the one about the whole situation with Chris Brown and Rhihana. And some people were un clear on my stand point on hitting women and stuff like that. I just wanted to clear up for the record that I am in no way an advocate for any such behavior. I did not think that I was giving the impression that I was some how ok with it or that I was alright with what happened. I was trying to be funny and make light of and put a comedic spin on a event that would otherwise be kind of a downer. So those of you who know me well and my sense of humor know that I was speaking in jest of all of that.

But whatever. Sooo I am sure that Friday night was very fun. I usually have a great time wherever it is that I end up. But for whatever reason I cannot really remember what it is I did. Oh I remember now! Yeah it definitely was not as fun as Saturday or Sunday,which is why we are just going to skip over it this week. So I am a huge fan of a musician by the name of Richard Swift. I had actually purchased tickets to see him in October of last year, but was unable to attend. I went to jail instead basically. So when I heard that he was going to be playing in Orange County again this last saturday night,you can understand my excitement I am sure. So I made plans to see him with my little brothers and some of their friends and my friend Nate who I may have mentioned in some other blogs.

Now let me just take a brief moment to describe to you my friend Nate, because really I spend so much time with the guy it might be important to do so. I met Nate through a very good friend of mine named Tristan. Nate is about my age,white, a little shorter than me. In the face of these hard economic times Nate was forced to move back in with family and things got bad enough for him that he has enlisted in the ARMY and is awaiting the date in which he takes what I guess would be a sort of entrance exam. I like Nate alot. He is funny, alot smarter than he seems or perhaps lets on to people. I once heard him describe himself in a conversation about meeting girls like this: "Yeah I know my strong points, I mean I am cute and girls usually think that, but I have like no personality at all. So I pretty much just coast on nodding and smiling". Which of course made me crack up with laughter. But I will have you know is not entirely true.


But anyway we all met at my parents house and loaded up into the vehicles and picked up Nate and then headed south. The venue that Richard Swift was playing at was called The Yost Theater. It was located in downtown Santa Ana right off of Spurgeon Street and was really a great place to see a good band at. You could tell that the structure had been there for quite some time although it was still in very good shape,with minor repairs and up-grades made to it here and there throughout the years. It had incredible acoustics too and the sound just seemed to soar through the entire crowd all the way to the very back of the auditorium. But it wasn't the shotty type of construction where you could here the band just as well outside. The building kept the sound very well. But honestly I am such a fan of Richard Swift he could have playing in a Burger King bathroom and I would have paid to see him.

So we get to the show. Say hi to the regular crowd of indie scene kids that I usually see just about everywhere. Then we go inside to watch a bit of the opening act which was a band from I ma not too sure where called The Local Natives. I had seen them once before at the Knitting Factory a few years back and must say that they have a really good sound. They were just like the icing on the cake. Not only was I going to finally see Richard Swift in concert,but the opening band was not total crap! Score! They finished and there was a brief intermission. And then, Richard Swift. I can honestly say,even though it was by no means a big show(there was maybe 100 people there) and I only paid $10 to get in,it was truly one of the better shows I can remember going to in probably the last year and a half.


He played almost all of my favorite songs,sounded phenomenal,his band was so on point with him too. He played really old songs,he played brand new songs off his newest album that has not been released yet. He was funny and witty in between songs,and ultimately did a fantastic job and really put on what could not have been a better performance in my opinion. He even did a encore with just him and his piano that, on his way back on stage a young man called him over to the side and asked him if he could play his girlfriends favorite song,which is an older song of his called "Would You". Richard said that he had never played that song live before and could not do it. He then played a beautiful rendition of "THE NOVELIST" which was so sweeping and hauntingly beautiful that it gave me goosebumps. He then said, " I have never done this song in concert before,so if I totally butcher it your going to have to forgive me. This song is called 'Would you". Then he proceeded to play what I think was one of the most intimate and precious performances I have ever been a witness to. It was absolutely fabulous.

We then all left and Nate and I got dropped to do a little karaoke at a restaurant called Rembrandts in Placentia. We were having a good old time just singing and hanging out. When I remembered a friend of mine was having a St. Patty's day party that night. So we called our friend Elise to come and meet us there and then we would all make our way to the party once we got directions. So we finally got the directions and made it to the party which ended up being right around the corner from where I live. Now, I was almost certain I would not know too many people there. But then you have to realize something that I always seem to easily forget, I know people just about everywhere I go,and this party was to be no different.

We get there and meet my friend out front. There are various odd looking people walking about the front lawn and on the side yard. Then some lame jerk wannabe punk or something,whatever it was that he thought he was,came up to the three of us and said "Hey uh we are going to need some money from all of you guys,the people who own the house were way cool and paid for all the kegs and everything so just like five dollars each or something". You can imagine our astonishment. Here we show up to a party at 2:00am after everyone is already leaving and stuff,two of the three people I was with don't even drink,and this guy wants us to give him some money so that, so that what? So we can hang out with him and his lame stupid leather jacket and the rest of his queer uniform that every wannabe punk has worn since the early 90's? No! This is an outrage! Doesn't he know who we are? Doesn't he realize what it means for us to be coming to their party? OK maybe that's just getting a little carried away. But anyway he continues to say,"Yeah I don't want to seem like a jerk or anything,it's just that the kegs were expensive,and it's not the money is going to me,it's going to the owners of the house".


Now this is where I do what I do very well. I say things very politely and slowly so that they are clearly understood,and I make sure that I am firm and get my point across while making whoever it is I am talking to feel stupid,but at the same time remaining a gentlemen and polite. I am not sure how all of that is accomplished but if you have ever seen me do it before then you know that that is a pretty fair description of what happens. So anyway, I say to him "Look man, here is what I am going to do,since I don't know who you are and everything. I don't drink,so I am in no way going to pay you five dollars for access to kegs of beer that are more likely than not already empty and neither are my friends ok? Now I understand that times are rough and everyone is short on cash so if you really just don't have any money I am going to be a cool guy and give you $3 for me and my two friends here. Don't come up with some stupid story if your broke. Now we will see you inside." And then we proceeded past him and inside after I put three crumpled one dollar bills in his hand. Once inside it was easy to see that the party was winding down. People were leaving,trash was everywhere. I saw a group of people I knew leaving,they were all shocked to see me there as I said bye to them. I come around a corner into a small sitting area to see another young couple that I knew but had never really hung out with outside of a certain setting. The girl exclaims "Jordan! I can't believe your here! Your everywhere!" This is said loud enough to be really embarrassing. I just say "Yeah I get around.


We basically just hung out there for around an hour and a half or so and fed the owner of the house's dog all kinds of snacks and beer and whatever was around that it would eat. We had a deep theological conversation about joining the military in any capacity and then religion and then politics. Pretty much all the stuff they say you are not supposed to discuss in large party settings like that. Then I went home and slept. But not for long. There was a big trip to Hollywood the next day(sunday)and I had to be really early so that Elise and I could be down there on time for the things we were trying to do. But that day is a whole other story really,that we will get to very soon. So pretty much to wrap it all up, Richard Swift is amazing,and is superb live. I would go and check him out immediately on iTUNES and buy everything he has ever made if I were you and had never heard of him before. I would check out a song called "Million Dollar Baby"and a song called "Buildings in America" because those are two of my favorite songs by him. Richard Swift ruled the night. And I finally got to see him perform live. Thats it. That's all folks. You know what's funny? I have not gone back to read any of my old blogs from when I was in jail but I remember for the longest time(whether it actually made it on the internet or not I am not sure)putting "another day down,another day closer to home" at the end of a whole bunch of entries. Man it feels good to not have to do that anymore. Goodbye and God bless.

The On-going Saga of Chris Brown and what it should mean to us.

So there is alot being said about the performer Chris Brown in the media nowadays because of some poor choices he made recently. Apparently,according to detectives and overwhelming evidence supporting the accusations,he beat up his girlfriend Rhihana who is also a major super star performer. It's really too bad. I mean it's really too bad that nobody ever explained some key lessons to Chris Brown. Now let's say your a super star and your lady friend is mouthin' off in the passenger seat of your rented Lamborgini,and you smack her around a little bit. That's bad. You are a public figure,and you will more likely than not get away with it. You have money,endorsement deals, record deals,you have alot to lose and if your girl decides,she can try and take you for as much of it as she can. Not to mention that your never supposed to hit a girl...in a Lamborgini...of course.

Now let's just take a step back and think about this. What if this girlfriend of yours is not only a super star herself, but probably a bigger star than you. And you beat her up? Your a public figure remember? So is she! There is no way you are going to get away with this now! She may not need to sue you for everything you've got,but she can do worse now. She can ruin your career for good! What were you thinking Chris Brown! Why would you do something like this? Didn't you have enough without having to cross the line that is not supposed to be crossed? You have money,cars,a fast life, a great promising career,and a beautiful girlfriend who is successful as well. Why did you have to go and put hands on her. Now you are facing two felony counts and possible prison time. Geez, and I know that we don't know the entire story or what led up to the horrible events of that night. But it still doesn't matter. You had a choise to walk away Chris Brown, and you didn't. Not only did you not walk away but you whooped that trick and beat her like a damn drum! I mean c'mon, I saw the pictures and you beat the un-holy hell out of her.


I always knew that Chris Brown was dangerous. He is young and urban. Being young you know his emotions and hormones and what not are all over the place which makes him unstable to say the least. He hangs out with rappers and shady characters. Has probably been influenced in some way by all of that. And plus the kid is ripped! All his dancing and crazy dance moves and all that. I mean,you know it's entirely possible for him to translate some of those "hot moves" into "hot deadly karate attacks" or worse! He is a menace! And he is just out there running a muck in the streets beating people up and doing whatever he wants!!! Ok I don't know that part for sure,but it would be too crazy if he was. I guess what I am really trying to say is cut the kid a break.Ease up on him will ya? Yes he is a menace and all but he is young and famous. I think it is easy to forget in the face of such a horrible crime that he is in fact a celebrity.

Here we are condemning him and taking away his endorsements and talking about whether or not he really deserves a Nickelodeon Kids Choice Award and what not when what we really should be thinking about is how we can help him and how we as a people want nothing more than to just forgive him for beating up other superstars and doing whatever he wants. Because like I said,remember he is a celebrity! And celebrities are supposed to be able to do whatever they want and get away with it right? This IS California right? The state where we seldom hold our movie stars and recording artists responsible for their wrongs. That's why people love them and want to be like them right? Because of the idea that they really can do whatever they want. So he beat up a girl,a very pretty and talented girl. It's not like he killed anyone this time right? It's not like he did it because of some crazy terrorist anti-American belief or anything right? THIS IS CALIFORNIA! OJ Simpson hacked two people up out of jealousy in an up-scale Brentwood neighborhood and we let him off the hook initially. He led police on a gnarly high speed freeway pursuit that was on every channel and a jury of his peers still let him go play golf while the blood stains were still barely drying. It took him doing some stupid robbery type shit in a whole other state before he ever got in any kind of real trouble for anything. And alot of Americans still love him. I do!


So I say that not only will time heal all wounds with the public and with Rhihana's face,but that if we are really true to our beliefs and the way things have always been with celebrities and justice,we will not only forgive Chris Brown and buy his next few albums,but we will gladly chew whatever gum he promotes,drink whatever flavor of Gatorade he tells us to,and wear whatever brand of clothes he dances around in. It's the American way! We are all in fact mindless idiot Americans who over consume what the media and our celebrities feed us right? So let's start acting like it! Because who are we to smash the dreams of all those children who dream of being pop stars someday so that they can do whatever they want with no consequences for their actions? What kind of a world would this be if our celebrities modeled behavior that was decent and right? What if Britney Spears never lost her damn mind and shaved her head after marrying and divorcing some white trash gold digging back up dancer? Then she would have never been able to make a come back! And look at all the whacked out crap she was into for awhile,and we all forgave her right? Chris Brown...you are on your way back into our hearts,no matter what TMZ or the news says about you. If you end up doing it again or to someone else,just don't get caught because America needs to love you. I need to love you.

One More Night In Hollywood

So it has been far too long since I have written a new entry. I know I have not been as consistent I would like to be but I am quite busy out there in the streets living this ridiculous crazy life of mine in order to have things to even right about. Plus I have already tried to write this very entry twice already and once my laptop just ran out of juice and shut down without saving and the other time I hit the wrong button and somehow erased all of what I have written. So here it finally is. I am going to write about the events of friday night because in my opinion they would have to be the most significant of recent adventures. I would also like to take this chance to encourage any new or old readers to go back to the beginning and read my blog from there if you haven't already. It kinda shows a little of what has shaped me into the person I am today. I started writing this from jail last year at the end of summer and continued to do it until my release in late january of this year. Hence the name "jordansinjail" right? If you haven't already,please do and tell what you think and feel free to ask me any questions you have.


So anyway. Friday night my friend Nate and I were invited by our friend Elise to go out to Hollywood with her to see a musical act called "The Brian Buckley Band" at a club called Club Play off of Yucca street. I had never heard of them and did not really dig what I saw on youtube of them,but I needed to go out to Hollywood to catch up with a few friends who were in town,so we went. We picked up a friend of ours named Vicky who lives right off Sunset to go with us and we were on our way. Now people who live in the greater Los Angeles area know this quite well,and unless you have just never been to the city,you know that parking is absolutely stupid in Hollywood. I thought of a little something I thought was cute to describe it which is P.I.A.M.I. which basically means "Parking Is A Major Issue" and although it is cheesy it is true. What we finally ended up doing once we parked in an area that was not even too close to the club and which turned out to be a area that you needed a permit to park in, was we grabbed a parking ticket off of a car that had already got one and put it on my friends car so we wouldn't get one of our own. Well really I should say my friend Elise did it,I could never come up with something like that. But would it work is the question? So we went to this little closet of a club and packed in there with a bunch of late twenties early thirties shabbily dressed people with bad haircuts and blue jeans. It did not speak lengths to me about the type of people that listened to The Brian Buckley Band. We watched the show and honestly,the singers voice was pretty rad,I guess. But it just didn't have something that I need music I listen to to have. Let's just say they could have been better and they did have one or two good songs. Maybe you would like them, different strokes for different folks right? I will give them a free plug right here, GO CHECK OUT THE BRIAN BUCKLEY BAND ON YOUTUBE,MAYBE YOU WON'T THINK THEY SUCK. And done. So we are done with Club Play and ready to go out and have fun. I contact my friend Konstintin who lives in Korea Town to come and hangout. I have not seen Konstintin since my release and was very eager to catch up with him.


Another friend of mine was in town too this weekend we were there who I really wanted to link up with. He is a sort of celebrity and asked to not be named in this blog for some stupid reason I have forgotten(I think he has a blog that's written about him or something) so we are not going to say who it is. Let's just say he lives in Hollywood, he was in town from filming a reality competition show on ABC and we wanted to try and see him. Even though it's really hard for him to go out without getting swarmed by (proabably going to be mis-spelled) paparazzi. So I really wasn't going to expect too much of a visit. So we headed down Hollywood Blvd to wait to meet up with Konstintin and my other friend at a very little bar called Scorpion Bar on Hollywood and Las Palmas. We wait there for seems like forever until they both finally show. Konstintin is ready to go out with us the rest of the night,but my other friend just stopped by to say and then was going home to rest before going back to his gnarly filming schedule. So we all head out. Now we end up going to a whole bunch of different places. Vicky and Konstintin both live in the area and know a whole bunch of promoters and what not so we didn't have too much trouble with lines and whatever and what not. Which is always nice. So we went farther up on Sunset to Area for a bit and then Standard but really, I like the clubs and all, but I don't have nearly the kind of money it takes to look cool in a place like that. I wasn't quite dressed right,nor do I have any desire to pay for bottle service just so I can sit down when I don't even drink. So honestly don't get me wrong,they are really reeeeeally nice places,and I would love to be able to go back again,but just within the right circumstances. So we left in Konstintin's car and drove back a little closer to wear Elise parked.

We went to a club called Ecco,which was cool. The difference between Hollywood nightlife and Orange County nightlife is the elbow room. In Orange County you are not completely clustered wherever you go. You don't have to press up against some fat sweaty girls back just to get to the restroom. Ecco was so completely jammed and hot and nasty that after not too long we just wanted to leave to go to another jammed up club. So we walked to or so doors down to The Beauty Bar which I would have to say was more likely than not my favorite out of all the places we went to that night. For those who have never been, it is pretty much set up like an old school beauty salon from the 60's I guess. I had been there before and remember enjoying the colors and decor very much. It was such a fun atmosphere there and the music was far superior to the Hip Hop Dj's that were in most of the places we went that night. So we hungout there. Danced, talked,smoked cigarettes,whatever. I ended up meeting a girl, as I sometimes have been known to do,and having a conversation with her. I am not going to include her name in case she reads this someday. But it was not like the kind of conversation that you have with alot of people. Because I actually enjoyed it I think! And I think I may have even managed to sound smart or at least not stupid. Anyway without talking too much about it,it was definitely the best part of the night. But then it was time to leave. Konstintin dropped us off at Elise's car and we went to a late night restaurant called Bossa Nova's and got some pizza. Which, yes I will admit I actually ate two slices of it and felt like a fat failure. We just talked and rewound some of the events of the night. I persuaded Vicky(who is very British and has a very heavy accent) to record my outgoing message on my cell phone for me so that instead of my boring ugly American voice there would be a smooth sounding British girls voice on there. For those of you that have heard it can proabably tell that we had alot of fun doing that. And then we headed back into the Orange County area.


You know what I just realized? I did not enjoy writing this so many days later after it happened. It feels boring to write about it now. It doesn't feel as fresh as when it first happened and it also feels like I may have left some things out or forgotton things along the way that may be very important elements to the story. You see that right there is why it is so important to be consistant in your writing Jordan. It's just like a muscle really. If you don't work it out every couple days or as often as you can it feels weak when you do use it. Iam sorry everyone. I hope you enjoyed reading this entry,because it wasn't as much fun as i thought it was going to be writing it. Basically the best thing that happened to me that night was meeting and talking to the girl from the beauty bar,and seeing some of my friends I hadn't seen in a bit. But aside from that, it really seemed alot more fun when I hadn't written about it yet. Oh well.