I thought that by taking a position of authority here in this tent that I might be able to change something about the way things are run. And I have on some fronts. But the way things are in jail are going to change me if I'm not careful, before I can successfully change Yellow tent completely. I can be proud of the change I have been able to make here, but some things here are the way they are forever. People will continue to get beat up in the showers, for no other reason than to "keep peace" with everyone in the tent. I have seen two kids no older than my littlest brother get sent to the shower under my watch as Right Hand. And while in jail it's "the right thing to do," I will never be OK with it. It's just not in my nature.
Jail is bloodthirsty. And it wants to influence you to be the same way. Hungry for violence. Looking for reasons to inflict pain to satisfy some primal instinctual urge to hurt others. I want no part of it, but am forced to live in it. But I am in it, not of it, and I cannot let it change me. I WILL NOT let it change me.
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3 comments:
i wish i knew you were in there sooner than thanksgiving night. i guess it would explain all the non responsive texts i got or well didnt. wish the best, call me whenever you can i would love to hear from you. been thinking, worrying and wondering about you. if theres anything i can do to help let me know:) happy thanksgiving jordan. and work on your ping pong skills! <3
my dad was actually in jail for a few months and he told me about his experience while he was in there. he never took part in the beatings but he did what he could to stick up for himself without cause trouble. that's all you can do. i truly hope it doesn't change you...
This is very interesting. You take a moral stand but at the same time it's as though you feel limited. Like maybe if you stood up to the beatings it would put you in danger but you know it's not right to do that and you actually helped as the Right Hand. I am very interested to know how that was. Sounds so intense.
Also, I don't agree that jail is bloodthristy but then again I haven't been there. I believe the system creates rules and that creates rule breakers. The system creates the rule breakers then they create more rules for those who have already proven they can't follow rules. Are you kidding me? Does that make any sense at all?
Nelson Mandela was considered a deviant at one point and jailed. But he obviously is/was not blood thirsty and I believe that most people are that way. It takes a LOT of energy and strength to be true to yourself in difficult situations or unfamiliar circumstances.
It bothers me that they shave prisoners heads too. I can see how they could make it a health or safety issue but the bottom line is that it is symbolically marking the prisoner as less than human. It's psychology so the prisoners think they are worthless. Hello? People who already think they are a pos will not respond well to that. They need self esteem boosters...not to be dehumanized further.
I really dislike the way prisoners are treated.
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