Signs of Aging

Written December 28, 2008

Man, I am really losing it here. Twenty-two hours a day in this little, little, little, cell with Rico. No good. No good at all. I had two good visits though this weekend. My parents came on Friday and my little brother Jared came today.

My parents said they kinda noticed the change I am going through here. They said I look pale. I am changing physically a lot here, not for the good. I am getting pale. Gross pale, and I am not sleeping right. So I have gnarly bags under my eyes. I have been growing a beard for about a week and I can clearly see grey in it. There's grey in my hair that my brother noticed today too. I don't look good with short hair either. Since I have been here these past months I can clearly see some wrinkles I have developed on my face. I can't work out like I used to at the farm so I am going to lose a little size too. I feel fat. But I've always felt fat so whatever. I know I am going to gain like 10-15 pounds when I leave here within the first couple weeks anyway, so whatever. I am just not doing that good today.

I really really am losing it today. I'm ugly, fat, pale, and I have grey hair on my beard and hair. And I am losing it. I need to go to sleep. Like now. I also got a really good letter from my friend Jorge. Thanks Jorge. I will feel better tomorrow. Three more weeks, that's it. Then I'm out and I can get tan and dye my hair and get some regular sleep and start eating right and get back in shape and be happy and sane.

Just write me some letters please. And pray for me. I will be better tomorrow. I am just going to check off another day on my little calendar and lay down.