Dangerous Thinking

Written January 11, 2009

I am waiting for a visit. There is not much else for me to do here, so I wait, and think. The kind of thinking that goes on at this stage in the game can be pretty heavy stuff too. Dangerous even. I could die due to the serious output of brainpower that's going on. I have been waiting for a visit for two days. Nothing. And I need to see my family. I mean I like NEEEED to see my family. They might be the only thing that can slow my brain down, even if just a little bit.

I have one week left, 15 weeks down, three left. That's 113 days down, 7 left. That's roughly 2,712 hours (and that figure could be totally wrong) down with only 158 (again, my math could be off, but in the same hood) some odd hours left in which I can completely lose my flippin' flappin' mind. And let's use "flippin' flappin'" as exhibit A that it's already happening, because I intentionally wrote that. "Flippin' flappin'" was not used by the person who edits my blog as a substitute for explicit language. I really just wrote that. And so it has begun.

I have so much on my mind. For instance, when I am released, the whole face of this blog will change. Drastically! My father, who is a very smart man (despite what you may have heard) and has been a writer himself for many many years. He was also an editor for a number of different publications. He is who I send my blog entries to (and also my mother) for them to be entered onto the Internet after he edits them for spelling errors, grammatical errors, and probably other stuff as well. I am so thankful for his help, but when I am released, it'll be on me! I will be running www.jordansinjail.blogspot.com! And although I am not completely retarded I am nowhere nearly as smart as my father really is (despite what you may have heard). So, if after my release, you notice a lot of things are misspelled and there's a lot more swearing or I just sound a lot dumber all around, you know why.

I am going to be a lot busier after my release. I don't know if I am still going to have the time to write four pages a day for my blog. I definitely would like to, but realistically, those of you who know me know that I am all over the place, and am rarely in one place long enough to write a text message let alone four pages. I am going to have to do a complete overhaul on my habits and time management to make this thing work. Between the music project I want to start and the various art and short film projects that are planned, I am going to be writing this blog in my sleep or something.

Oh yeah, I am going to have to get a job at some point to maintain whatever residence I land in too! Busy Busy Busy! I love it! Or at least I love the idea of it from where I am at right now, doing nothing.

Geez I really wonder if they're going to come today. Rico got a visit yesterday, and today! Which surprised and depressed me. I was shocked when somebody came to see him yesterday, and this is going to sound mean but, it meant that there really was at least one person out there that actually wanted to see him. I spend 22 hours out of the day with the guy, and this was an alien concept to me: somebody WANTS to see Rico. Wow. But when he got called for a visit today, it floored me! I half expected the speaker to tell him to go back because there was some kind of mistake. But lo and behold, unless it's the same person who came to see him yesterday coming again today, there are at least two, count 'em two people out there that actually desire to see Rico. One was an "old girlfriend" supposedly who came to see him yesterday. And I suspect today it is probably his Mom.

This depressed me too because I wanted so badly to receive visits and am positive that I have people out there who want to see me. But no visit. And Rico has the nerve to complain about getting a visit?! Because it woke him up? Are you kidding me?! Whatever. It's all good. I am sure someone will be along shortly to come and visit me. Any minute now. And in their defense they don't really know what it's like to be here waiting for a visit so they can't possibly understand the importance it holds to me, or how waiting for it can really grate on one's nerves.

Geez what time is it? Did they get a flat tire or something? What gives? I guess I am just going to check another day off on my little "hard time" calendar, another day down another day closer to home, and then lay down and read as I wait for my visit as patiently as I can.

One week from today!